what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Randomize