you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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