last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
