dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
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