Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
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