I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize