So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
