i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
