Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
