For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
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