At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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