I got chris browned last night
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
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