Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
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