Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
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