Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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