It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
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