new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
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