he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
