I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
