hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
