i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
