you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
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