I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
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He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
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The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
50% drunk capacity currently
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.