that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Semen is not good for contacts.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.