I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
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If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
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My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.