he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Randomize
