i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
