turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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