If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Randomize
