just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
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