well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
