I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
