how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
