He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
