What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
