thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
