yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
