I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
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