He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
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