Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
You're a waste of cheezeits
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
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