I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
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Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
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he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
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