I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Randomize
