Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
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I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
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I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
There's even glitter on my cock...
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