why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
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