Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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