The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Randomize
