I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
