Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Randomize
