got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
