This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
