the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
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