school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
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