I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
he told me I talked like a deaf person
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Randomize
