My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize