I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Randomize
