I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
Randomize
