Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
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