Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
high people should be assigned attendants
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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