What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
I could have mohawked her pubes.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
