I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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