I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
