I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
